What Goes Around Comes Around Princess Peach
by MatildaHummingbird
Summary: SLASH FIC! When the bodyguard of the 'Santa Barbara Princess' winner Kaetlyn Peach goes missing, the princess is placed under witness protection. Strikingly beautiful but extremely clueless she almost instantly finds a distaste for the way the police station smells, and she almost instantly takes an interest in the antics of the department's psychic.


**A/N PLEASE READ ALL BEFORE PROCEEDING!:**Hello all! And yes. I am writing yet ANOTHER new Shassie. Now, for anyone reading this off of fan fiction dot net, I understand how this could be a piss off since I have yet to finish; The Man Who Really Could See it All, Mixed Signals, The Cop The Banker and The Psychic, and if you're a big nerd like me - Power Rangers: Psych Force. Let me just start by saying I am SO sorry. I don't know what it is lately. Honestly, it's like I have fan fiction ADD. The Plot Bunnies just keep happening. However this plot bunny isn't exactly new. Anybody who has been reading my fics will recognize this one as one of my choices from Shassie Summary's.

Now to anyone reading on Archive of our Own- this is my first contribution to the site. I debated for a while of just submitting what I've already completed on fan fiction dot net, but on the likely chance a few readers on here are the same as my readers on fan fiction, I didn't want to give them something they've already read.

Now, if I sound pretentious, and believe me I know I do. You can blame Cher Lloyd. Or thank her depending on how you look at this fic. Her song "Want you Back" to me is one of the worst examples of semi-psychotic female bitchy behaviour. After listening to that, then systematically being forced to listen to her other song "Swagger Jagger" I was convinced this is what I was looking for to start this fic. The songs are pretentious (hence my tone), but she's still a pretty-innocent looking girl who will straight up scratch your eyes out. Vicious little thing, and yet? Not the villain. Which is sad, because by chapter 4 I'm hoping that a few of you will be begging me to have Lassie shoot her.  
Enjoy!

~Matilda.

**What Goes Around Comes Around Princess Peach**

**Chapter 1: Presenting Ms. Peach**

The young blonde stepped on the stage, her pink gown hugging her in all the right places. With a V-neck just low enough to have you wondering, her cleavage was cleverly hidden by the giant blue sash around her shoulder. As soon as she was center stage, the music around her picked up, and she was presented with a large bouquet of roses and a crystal tiara. She turned to the crowd, a proud smile on her face, and with a practised grace wiped a single tear from the corner of her eye.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the winner of this year's Santa Barbara's Princess Pageant - Princess Kaetlyn Peach!" The Ryan Seacrest wannabe embellished his point by motioning to the young woman. The crowd around her erupted and started to cheer as Princess Peach just stood there smiling, and fake crying, until finally the crowd settled and she started to speak.

"Thank you all so much! I would just like to thank all of my wonderful friends and family for their amazing support in all of this! The wonderful judges on the committee who thought long and hard before finally choosing me, and to you the citizens of Santa Barbara for being the building blocks of such a beautiful city!"

The rest of her speech was finally drowned out as the mute button on the television was hit. A seemingly good call, it seemed this woman could go on and on saying absolutely nothing. However her sudden silence was not welcome by one Burton Guster.

"She wasn't done speaking Shawn!"

"Yes. She is. Gus how can you watch this every year? It's terrible. Quite possibly the worst event the city puts on -every- year."

"It's a local event Shawn. You should be more supportive of the city you live in."

"Dude." Shawn had long since dropped the remote onto his lap and was simply shaking his head at his friend. "I support the city I live in, in my own way." He then extended one long finger and rotated it vertically as if motioning to the entire Psych office. "Or have you forgotten where we're sitting right now?"

"Exactly." Gus straightened up a bit. "Which is why I was watching this competition since day one. Keeping my eye on each of the candidates, making sure none of them were up to anything fishy or sinister."

"Gus." Shawn started slowly. "They're fifteen year old girls. I'm starting to see your behaviour as a cry for love...or sex. Either way buddy, that road? That's a dark and dangerous road. They're teenagers dude; teenagers, prostitots, jailbait, fresh meat - barely off the slaughterhouse truck. I can't let you do this buddy - Gus. I'm here for you. Don't do it. You're a good man, not a creeper. Don't be a creeper Gus."

"MINIMUM AGE REQUIREMENT FOR THIS COMPETITION IS EIGHTEEN SHAWN! EIGHTEEN!" Gus' outburst had him almost rising from his chair. "You would KNOW that if you actually paid attention Mr. 'oo look at me I'm so good they think I'm psychic!" It was only after Gus had finished that he realized Shawn was laughing - hard.

Shawn's laughing fit didn't seem to be ending anytime soon, and this made Gus very disgruntled. However any choice words he had for the laughing man were immediately cut off when the phone of the office started to ring. Shawn was still laughing - at this point mainly to be an asshole. Regardless Shawn had no intention of getting up to answer the call. Instead it was Gus who made his way to the other's man's desk, grabbing the phone from its charger.

"Hello?"

A pause. "Chief, yes hello!" At the mention of Chief, Shawn stopped what he was doing and sat up, turning his chair towards Gus and leaning forward.

"Yes. Yes he's here. Yes. We'll be there immediately!" Gus hung up.

"Chief?" Shawn asked - just to be sure.

"Yup."

"Case?" Shawn asked hopefully. Crime had been low lately.

"No, she was just calling to say hi." Gus rolled his eyes. "Of course case Shawn!"

"Yes!" Shawn cheered. Case meant money. "Let's go!" He already had Gus' keys in his hands and before Gus could blink, Shawn was out the door. "Hurry up Gus!"

Gus took a second to pat himself down after he'd noticed that Shawn had his keys this whole time. "When the hell did he swipe them?" However his private monologue was cut short when Shawn called from outside in a rather humorous but anguished sounding cry.

"Guuuusssss!"

"I'm coming!" Gus barked, and he followed an eager Shawn out of the office.

With Shawn's pushing, they managed to make the police station in record timing. Shawn strolled through the doors with his usual confidence. He greeted every officer he knew by name, and didn't stop in his strides until he reached two empty desks.

"Why hellooooo...Hello?" Shawn looked between the two empty spaces as if he was confused. "Gus." Shawn turned around. "Lassie and Jules aren't here. Why aren't they here?"

"On a different call maybe?" Gus shrugged. "They're cops. It happens."

"Unacceptable." Shawn wasn't having it. He marched into the Chief's office. The woman was at her desk, speaking with another woman in a chair across from her. However that woman's presence did nothing to make Shawn speak out of turn as he entered the room. "Chief!"

"Mr. Spencer, I'm glad you could make it. This is-"

"There's no time Chief!" Shawn interrupted her. "Yes, I am aware that this is a very important case. My psychic senses warned me, there will be countless hours, and many twists and turns, and possibly burritos - ohhh with spicy mustard! Gus that would be delicious! Wouldn't it?"

"Shawn."

"Not now Gus I'm making a point here! However Chief, the spirits also told me that even though I'm good - and let's face it, I'm great. Gus and I cannot do this alone. SO, whatever case Jules and Lassie are on, I demand they be called off of it and be brought here!"

"Mr. Spencer!" The Chief snapped, she used her boss tone. The tone that forced Shawn to listen. Shawn looked at her, and all she did was point to another part of the room where Lassiter and Juliet had been standing the whole time. "We've been waiting for you."

Shawn didn't miss a beat, he lit up and glided across the room. "Lassie! You're here!" Dramatically Shawn draped himself in a hug around the detective. "It's been so long since we've had a case, I missed you guys!"

Lassiter went stiff. There was a moment where his arms twitched, but the moment quickly passed and Lassiter growled and shoved. "Get off of me!"

Shawn hopped a couple feet backwards, grinning. "It's been so long Lassie, I was just so overwhelmed with joy!"

"Aww that's so sweet!" Juliet sounded amused, but a light condescending tone that couldn't be mistaken for anything else. The whole scenario was finally accompanied by soft laughter coming from the chair across from the Chief's desk.

Shawn turned his head, his face dropping a bit as he came face to face with Santa Barbara's newest 'Princess.' Only she wasn't dressed in the gown he saw her in on the TV, she was in a pair of tight fitting jeans and pink heels, a pink corset covering her torso, blonde hair curled tight in a side-do. Her makeup was flawless save for a small amount of mascara running down her cheeks from crying.

"Hello." Gus went into form immediately and he went over to the chair and extended his hand. "Burton Guster, Princess its an honor to meet you - though I do apologize for meeting you here."

The Princess looked at Gus' hand briefly and merely only offered a slight smile. "Thank you." She then stood up and pushed passed Gus heading to Shawn, and well manicured hand extending to him. "You must be the Psychic. I am so thrilled to meet you!"

"Er - thanks?" Shawn tentively shook the woman's hand but didn't really show any enthusiasm. "So, you're our case?"

"Yes, I asked the Chief specifically for you."

"You did?" Well that was fantastic.

"Yes, after the competition - I - found this in my hotel room." She dug into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a note written in magazine and newspaper clippings. Shawn read the note out loud.

"We have Manuel." Shawn squinted his eyes and looked around the room. "Whoooo exactly is Manuel?"

"My bodyguard." Peach explained. "He accompanied me during the entire competition."

"You needed a bodyguard? For a local competition?"

"Well yeah!" Peach rolled her eyes. "All the girls did. You'd be surprised how vicious some of the girls can be to each other."

Shawn was perplexed. "This is a missing person's case?"

"I need my bodyguard back Shawn!" Peach's voice trembled. "So if you could just please - use your psychic powers to just find out where he is and save him! We're supposed to go to Vegas next week!"

"Vegas." Shaw repeated. "Why would the Santa Barbara Princess need to go to Vegas?"

"Didn't you read my bio?"

"We just got called in today - and my powers don't work that way."

The princess pouted. "I hate this place." She whined. "So much! The cops are mean, the room smells funny! The decor is god awful, and not a single person seems to care about me! Or my missing bodyguard!"

Shawn was getting annoyed, however before another word could leave his mouth, Lassiter was stepping forward. "Spencer, a word, outside. Now."

"Hey - what?"

"Now." Lassiter in true fashion clamped his hand down on Shawn's shoulder and led him past the princess, Gus, and everyone else outside the office where he promptly closed the door behind them. He then turned to Shawn and stared him down. "Alright Spencer, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem."  
"Really? Because you're about 5 stupid predictions behind."

"...And how would you know? Unless? Lassie! You're psychic too?!"

Shawn's outburst caused a few uniforms to look up from their desks and snicker, Lassiter frowned and shook his head. "No, I'm not, now smarten up. Look idiot, this girl is all the city is talking about right now. This case could be huge, and if we solve this it could mean good things for the station."

"I don't know if I'm going to sign on with this one." Shawn admitted flatly. "Gus has been addicted to this competition since day one - and all I've been able to see are rich girls with their daddies buying them pretty things, and bribing city officials to give their girls high points. Lassie. You know me. I will deal with most anybody."

"That's true."

"But I really don't think I have the patience to deal with - her."

"Why not?"

"Because she's a hybrid of cinnamon scented farts and Paris Hilton, if she was allowed to have a little dog on her lap right now - she WOULD."

"Yeah, the dog's tied up down stairs."

Shawn blinked. "...You're kidding me. Please say you're joking."

"McNab is watching it."

Shawn suppressed a groan. "I knew it."

"Spencer."

"Lassie."

"I don't know what's bothering you, and you know what? I don't actually care. This is a job. There is a man missing. This Ms. Peach asked specifically for you because she expects _fast_ results. So get in there, do your little jazz act, treat her nicely, and lead the real cops to the culprit so that we can do our job, and you and Gus can do that weird victory dance you do sometimes."

Shawn held his breath a bit. "Alright, fine. But I'm not going to like it."

Lassiter grinned. "And the fact that you're suffering is making me so happy right now. You have no idea."

"Great. Wicked." Shawn rolled his eyes and took a second to compose himself. He pushed back into the office with the fakest smile on his face. "It's all worked out Chief! I'm on board. Princess - please, we need everything you have on your bodyguard. I'm talking full name, family, friends, photo, last place seen, seriously - everything, and we're getting this show on the road."

Kaetlyn looked over to Shawn then, she gave a smile and a high pitched, "EEEEE!" Before launching herself at him and giving him the tightest hug she could. "Thank you thank you thank you! I've always wanted to work with a psychic! You're making me SO happy!"

"Of course I am." Shawn barely managed to hide the sarcasm in his voice.

"Now." Kaetlyn straightened herself out. "I can only guess that whoever did this has a vendetta against me for winning, or my daddy for having such a fabulous casino. Either way, I am terrified. So while this investigation is going on, I'm going to need armed officers around me at all times. Shawn, I want you staying in the guest room of my condo, and - what's your friend's name?"

"Gus...My name is Gus."

"Right. Well, as you know I'm a very caring individual, and I'm just so scared about everything - I need you to temporarily adopt the Duke of Peach Kingdom."

"You want me to adopt who?"

"The Duke of Peach Kingdom. My puppy." Kaetlyn sniveled a bit. "My only good friend!"

"Right, ma'am, I'm Shawn's partner. I work WITH Shawn."

"And you will! The Duke is an essential part of this case, keeping him comfortable and safe is drastically important! Shawn and I really appreciate it."

"I'm sorry, what's this about me staying at a condo?" Shawn looked over to the princess.

"I need you close by." Kaetlyn explained. "When you're not investigating or voodoo dancing. Whenever you have a vision about Manuel, you tell me first."

"I don't think you seem to understand how my powers work, I need Gus. We're a team. I have to decline your offer."

"I'm so sorry." Kaetlyn stopped him mid sentence. "You never mentioned a Gus. Who is Gus?"

"Again. Right here." Gus gestured to himself. "The guy you're trying to force your pet onto."

"Right well, I'll have one of my other servants to contact you with all of the Duke's needs."

Shawn had had enough. He moved to interject Kaetlyn and give him a piece of his mind, when once again Lassiter's hand came down onto his shoulder holding him back. "Well Ms. Peach - Princess, whatever you need. We at the SBPD will ensure you get it up until the safe return of your bodyguard Manuel."

"You're the detective right?"

"Yes."

"You'll be staying at the condo too."

"Pardon?"

"Manuel is gone! Doesn't anybody care? I'm defenceless! So you'll be my bodyguard until we get him back."

At that Shawn instantly felt better about the whole situation. The thought of poor Lassie having to follow around a rich brat and keep her safe was almost too good to be true. Shawn started to giggle rather cruelly. He would've allowed himself to get louder if Lassiter hadn't promptly tightened his grip on Shawn's shoulder in order to cause him pain.

"Hi! Ms. Peach." Jules finally stepped into the conversation, going right over to the princess and taking her hand in a firm shake. "I'm a detective also, and this man is my partner. If he's going to work the case I'm required by law to have his back."

Kaetlyn looked Jules over. "Well I'm sorry but you won't be working the case."

"Excuse me?"

"You won't be working the case. Shawn is. Until I have Manuel back I want the police to assist Shawn, not vice versa. Though I can understand why you'd want in on this so bad."

"You do?"

"Well sure! We're both blondes! You could be my stand in. Wherever I go, you can wear the same outfits and go somewhere else leading potential danger away. Though I don't mean to be rude. I just don't think it'll work."

"Really now?" By the sounds of it, Jules seemed like she was gritting her teeth. "Why not? If you don't mind my asking."

"Well it's just - you're what? A size six? Maybe? Honey, I'm only a four."

Before anyone could say anything else. A loud ringing began to sound off from Kaetlyn's handbag. She reached into it producing a Blackberry. "Hello?" There was a beat of silence followed by loud laughter. "Oh girl! You have -no- idea how happy that makes me! I've been crying all day over Manuel! That sounds like such good therapy! Okay! I love you too girl! Kiss kiss I'll be out in a minute! Baiiiii!"

"Ms. Peach?" Lassiter asked suddenly. "Who was that?"

"My girlfriend Madelina, her and her bodyguard are here. We're going to a bar up downtown for some cocktails. So I guess - Lassie was it?"

"Lassiter. Detective Lassiter."

"Well you got the night off tonight. Investigation starts first thing tomorrow morning. Shawn you'll need to be well rested. Stay here, I'll arrange for a car to come and take you to my condo along with the detective here. Good night boys." Kaetlyn had her handbag and with a few determined steps she had left the office and was making her way out of the station.

Shawn turned to look at Lassiter whose frown had deepened considerably. "You know Lassie. I would hate to see your face get frozen like that."

"Shut up Spencer."

"Aww now! Lassie! That is NO way to talk to your new roommate."

"I'm not staying there."

"But you just promised her whatever she needed she could get."

"I don't care."

"I do! It's my investigation and you're assisting me!"

Shawn watched as Lassiter seemed to inwardly torture himself over everything that just happened in the last hour and he couldn't help but smile cruelly. At first this case seemed like it was going to be nightmare but thanks to Shawn's crazy luck, Shawn was granted the beautiful gift of watching Lassie suffer right along with him. This case might even be fun.


End file.
